Self-esteem everyone needs it and we work pretty hard to help people achieve it.  And for some good reasons high self-esteem is associated with less depression and anxiety, as well as, with greater happiness and life satisfaction.

But you can have too much of a good thing.

See there is a dark side to high self-esteem.

High self-esteem is strongly correlated with narcissism.

You know at least one tiresome full-of-themselves person.  You don’t want to be that person. Remember what happened to Narcissus?  He disdained the people who loved him and because he was so absorbed admiring his reflection, never leaving it, he died.

More realistically and increasingly common, too much self-esteem can lead to the better-than average effect, the need to feel superior to others just to feel okay about oneself. Turns out most of us are average, and that should be okay.

But NOPE here in the Western world we have managed to make being average -and by that I mean just being you and honestly humbly bring forth the best of you- unacceptable.

No one should feel bad about himself because he’s not exceptional.  Exceptional can also mean freak of nature.

You’re in good company when you are average.

I like to think of “average” as being in good company -all us average folks. What really excites me is seeing people stop turning outward, constantly measuring themselves against someone else and instead, noticing all the gems they have inside and get to polishing those. That’s when the extra-ordinary can take root.

You should feel great about who you are because even if you are “average”. You are still unique; there is not one person EXACTLY LIKE you.  Trite, but true.

We are captivated when we see someone really at ease with whom she is and has the guts to show that to the world. That’s the bright side of self-esteem.

All rights reserved@2013

Deirdre Danahar works creative professional ready to do their best work without sacrificing their quality of life. She is the owner of InMotion Consulting & Coaching, based in Jackson, MS. Reach her at deirdre@inmotioncc.com.

This is a guest post from Clint Barr, Raising the Barr Fitness. As a personal coach with additional training in health and wellness coaching supporting your physical well-being as part of your total well-being is important to me. I found exercises I love and hope you do too. We know that exercise is great for reducing stress and clearing your mind. Those both position you to get more out of your life, including your work.

You know you need to exercise, but you just can’t stand the idea of getting into a boring, grueling routine. If you’re really ready to get into shape, you can make it happen by taking a different approach to working out. The simple truth is you don’t need to slave away on a treadmill to enjoy results. Exercise is often what you make it. Be creative and you can even learn to love it!

So, how can you get the results you want without chaining yourself to a treadmill or doing 200 sit-ups a day?

The first thing you need to do is change your thinking about working out. Working out doesn’t have to be a dirty verb in your vocabulary. Consider this term to mean simply being active. A “workout” can technically involve any activity that gets you up and moving around. You can even “workout” and have fun, too. Really!

Here’s how!

Ask yourself these things:

• What do you like doing? – Are there physical activities that you actually enjoy? Perhaps you love to play ball with your kids. Maybe swimming is a favorite pastime? It might be that you really enjoy taking brisk walks with your dog. Whatever it is, build your “workout” routine around that activity.
• What are your goals? – Set very realistic, attainable goals to lead yourself down the path to weight loss and exercise success. Reaching even the smallest of goals can boost your esteem and encourage you to go even farther.
• Do I have 30 minutes a few days a week? – Exercising effectively doesn’t call for setting aside hours a day, every day in a week to make real changes happen. All you really need is about 30 minutes, five days a week to put yourself on the right path. If you’re having fun playing ball, swimming or doing something else enjoyable, you will stick with the program.

A good “workout” doesn’t have to be an exercise in frustration. The fact of the matter is there are many different activities that can help you get into shape and lose weight, too. Getting the best and most consistent results often calls for thinking out of the box and finding activities that you truly enjoy. Remember, you can even mix things up and still get results. You might, for example, play ball on a Monday, go swimming on Wednesday, take part in a kick boxing class at a local gym on Friday and so on.

If it’s time to change the way you think about exercise, explore the real possibilities. They are not as boring as you’ve been led to believe! Check with a Jackson personal trainer or the professionals at your local gym for some ideas and even classes that fit your need to get active while satisfying your appetite for fun.

Clint Barr is the owner of Raising The Barr Fitness, Ridgeland’s premier private and small group fitness training studio, and the best-selling author of 3 Steps To Your Best Body.  Contact him right now to receive a complimentary nutrition and fitness consultation (valued at $87).

Vicky and I, grazed on lunches of huge salads while talking about the eternal questions of  “How do I get better at what I do?“ and “How do I know I’m doing the right things?” Vicky and I met in a Leadership program. She’s savvy, ambitious, smart and willing to put in what it takes to be a success. She’s got it all going on and is together.  Yet, she is like so many people, trying to put together the puzzle pieces of her life to figure out what comes next.

She had applied for an exciting position. Based on the encouragement and the feedback she had, it seemed like the pieces were falling into place for her. Turns out she did not make in into the pool of finalists. Bewildered. Frustrated. Smarting like someone yanked the chair out from underneath her.  “ I just can’t believe I didn’t get it. Something is coming, I can feel it. I’m restless.  But I am not sure what.”, said Vicky.

Reflex for Reflection

The natural response is  “Well how about spending some time reflecting on the situation?”  But taking time to reflect when you are too busy to get through your emails feels like an    If you don’t that puzzle might just always remain unfinished and take up room.

So we say “If I spent more time thinking about my plans, actions, how did I end up here, why I made this mistake, how we got those amazing results so the team can do it again….(insert your favorite topic) the list could go on… We are all faced with the challenge of reflecting in a world where ‘unproductive’, non-doing time is not valued.

Time Matters

If you agree reflection is an important skill for growing and be better at what you do, (or to figure out what you would be better at doing) then you have to find time for it.  There is no way around it. But finding time doesn’t mean you need to change your routine.

Use your travel time. A 10-minute commute is terrific time for reflecting. Do that twice a day and you get 20 minutes.

Working out is a great time to reflect, especially if you need to reflect about something that pushes your buttons. Burn it off and work it out at once.

Be bold. Schedule a meeting with yourself for reflecting. A mere 30-minutes can go a long way.

Topics Make Productive Time

Reflecting for the sake of reflecting is nice, but not likely to help you put the pieces in place. It’s better to have one or two questions, so you can look deeply and see if you are doing the right thing.  Questions like: “I am still heading the right direction?” “What helped me get here?” “Where I am lying to myself?” and  “How can this be easier?”

Your questions may be different, and the answers you seek may not always be what you like to find but the time is well spent.

Reflection As Reflex

The more you reflect, the easier it is and it becomes a reflex one that without you can’t be better at what you do.  As you use the skill you’ll more quickly spot good routes, challenges and alternatives to take, before someone pulls the chair out from under you.

To help you build this skill, I invite you to take a couple of minutes to identify three topics where more reflection would benefit you, and share these with me in the comments below.

As for Vicky, she  is taking time during her commute to look at the puzzle pieces more closely.

All rights reserved@2013

Deirdre Danahar helps busy, creative, professionals do their best work without sacrificing their quality of life.  She is the owner of InMotion Consulting & Coaching, LLC, based in Jackson, MS. Reach her at deirdre@inmotioncc.com or 601-362-8288.