10 Tips for not getting too bummed out when… is going to h-e-double-hockey-sticks

March 1st, 2010

All of us, I mean all of us, from those who the most simple of lives, to the most powerful influential people on the planet, have times when it just feels like the world is crashing down (hopefully not literally). You have just broken up a long-term relationship or are thinking about it. You’re trying to manage the 74 extra things on your plate because 7 more people were let go at your company. You just lost your job.  Your job is next on the line.  You feel like you’ll never get that dissertation completed. The adoption of 2 kids you have begun to love has fallen through- I am not making this up it happened to someone I know. Insert your own scenario here.

It is easy and awfully tempting, to slip into a pretty poor state of mood and being when your life, or some aspect of it, feels like it is going to h-e-double-hockey-sticks in a handbasket. There are several things you can do to help keep your perspective, lighten your mood and heck maybe even be happy despite the cruddy times. Here some tried, true, low cost, big pay off tips, they work for me, for my clients and for many other people.

1. Get enough sleep. Yes it is temping to stay up all night watching the Three Stooges marathon – okay maybe only for me and a select few other individuals- but whatever is tempting  you to stay up way past your bedtime is pretty much guaranteed to not be as restorative as a full night’s sleep. Kids they tend to sleep a lot, have gobs and gob of energy and generally laugh, smile and are happy. Sleep is when we recharge our batteries, fill up our fuel tanks. When your world feels tough, stressful or just plan icky, you need all the energy you can get to move through the days and not get hooked by the negatives (fear, gremlins, frustration, anxiety, depression).

2. Exercise. Get moving. Exercise will help improve your mood, thanks to the nifty happy hormones released when you move, really move. Plus there are many other benefits of exercise that are life nurturing. So take that brisk walk, or go tango, jump and jive, whack a tennis ball around, or grab the sled, hike up the hill with the kids and let’er rip. You’ll release the hormone hounds of happiness as it were. Plus you’ll burn off some of the treats you have been indulging in, if you are anything like me.

3. Say no to the treats. As long as we are on the subject… that chocolate chip cookie from the coffee shop, or that extra glass of bourbon, wine, beer or libation of choice you are having at night, or the extra butter on your popcorn during Friday movie night, are fleeting romances. Like a flirtation on a train when you are 19 and trekking across Europe, they are good for just a moment, and it is nice to have them once and  a while.  But the treats are not going to nurture and sustain you well in the long run; you deserve more than a fleeting romance.

4. Stay connected with people. Yes, when things feel like h-double-hockey-sticks is normal to want to curl up in some hidey-hole of your own making. And I think it is okay to do that for a little while, but get out and get into the proverbial sunshine of good relationships. Now is not the time to shy away from friends and loved ones- they are you support system, go bask in their warmth and support. Bask in person, on the phone, through a letter or via email. The options for connection are practically limitless these days. Avoid the negative energy folks.

5. Help someone else. Nothing will make you feel better than doing something you know you can do and helping someone. So go and do it, you’ll better about yourself. This is a win-win for you and the other person.

6. Cultivate one area of growth in your life. Is everything else feeling bad, well do something you have always wanted to learn. A number of years ago I was working a city where I felt isolated and at job where I felt entirely unsupported and undervalued, that is when I decided it was time to learn how to knit. And knit I learned to do, it help me stay grounded and lifted my mood in the evenings and on the commune too and from work, plus it got me connected to positive nurturing folks.  Good find you equivalent of knitting.

7. Practice gratitude. Take stock of what is right, working and good in your life. The small things, like a ray of sunlight, resting on the kitchen table as you sip a fresh cup of coffee. Or the sound of children laughing the neighbors yard chasing snowflakes. The big things, like the love of a husband, wife or your main squeeze. The gift well-being and good health. People whom regularly practice gratitude are happier than those that don’t.

8. Clear out the clutter. Decluttering and getting organized creates a welcoming environment. Get rid of the extra stuff, in the closet, the kitchen your briefcase, files, storage shed, wherever the clutter is hiding. You’ll feel lightened believe me. Heck you could even offer to clear out some clutter for someone else too.

9. Distractions. Take a time out and allow yourself to be distracted from your worries. It is not helpful to worry 24/7 and you are not going to solve all your worries by fretting. Go to the movies, get lost in a complex puzzle, plan our your spring garden, run in the dog park- whatever distracts you. Taking a break can help you gain some distance and perspective and you might just uncover an insight or two that change things for the better for you.

10. Laugh. Laughter has an amazing ability to lighten a mood, break the tension and suddenly you feel a flood of warmth rushing through you. Laugher clubs are spring up around the world for a reason. Ask a 5 year old to tickle your feet I am sure they’ll be delighted to oblige. Read something funny. Break out those old comedy records, or watch just one or two Three Stooges episodes.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Coaching, Connection, Gratitude, peace, Stress Management, Tango, Tips | 4 Comments »

                 

Five Simple Steps to Change- they really do work!

October 14th, 2009

When we last left our dancing heroine she was undertaking part 5 of her Gremlin Taming Plan on the dance floor at the 46th Annual Harvest Moon Championship Ball; in front of God, Jose Dechamps and Joanna Zacharewciz (current undefeated US Rhythm Champions) and everyone else in attendance. To recap: she choose option B) Not. Not to do the same mental steps over and over, letting the jitters best her, but to instead create new choreography to better suit the rhythms of her life and stretch her capacities as a dancer and as a person.

So how did our heroine do? Beautifully. None of her worst fears and Gremlin’s favorite tall tales came true. She did not miss a spiral turn and do a face plant. She did not run from the dance floor, on the verge of tears because she blew the routine. No one said, “What the heck do you think you are doing? Do your REALLY think you belong out there on the floor?”

Did the steps always flow beautifully? No, but that is okay, because they moved across the metaphorical floor of life with a positive energy.  Better yet when she did miss a grapevine or spiral turn, she just kept moving into the next pattern of steps. Each pass on the floor, each heat became easier. Practice makes perfect, right?

Change, lasting change, is about cultivating new habits. Conditioning yourself, to think, act and ultimately live differently than in the past. Change takes time, and practice and sometimes not reaching your mark.  When you don’t reach your mark easily that is an opportunity to try a new tact.  When you do reach you mark that is an opportunity to do it again, again and again until it’s just the way to do “It”- whatever “It” is for you. These new habits become the familiar steps in your life’s choreography. You can always choose to rearrange them or incorporate new ones into your dance.

Was the experience interesting and beneficial? Yes. So, the jitters remained for our heroine but were transformed into positive stress propelling her and her partner across the dance floor. Reinforcing self-efficacy. Igniting the deep sense of gratification of accomplishing a personal goal. When our dancer was awarded high honors for an Argentine Tango routine and told she would be performing the routine as part of Saturday night’s events – events that included rounds of professional competition and performances by Jose Dechamps and Joanna Zacharewciz, she did not pass out cold. She got her game face on eventually, took some very deep breaths, straightened out her big girl panties, headed for the door and danced her heart out in front of a crowd. She was humbled and thrilled to hear people clapping and grateful for the opportunity to take a risk.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Ballroom Dance, Change, Coaching, Courage, Goals, Gremlin, Personal Challenge, Tango | No Comments »

                 

Five simple steps to change: You're the Choreographer for Your Life.

October 9th, 2009

The big girl panties, professional weight tights, performance shoes, rhinestone festooned dresses and an alarming amount of foundational garments are unpacked and spread around the hotel room. This weekend is the 46th Harvest Moon Championship Ball and I am  competing prepared to tame some Gremlins on the dance floor again. I am off to the Ball with my glass slippers and nerves of steel, well almost.

Today, I put on my rhythm dance armour, to Cha-Cha, Swing (East and West Coast), Rumba, Mambo, Bolero and Argentine Tango my way through the nerves I inevitably feel when performing.  Yes, I will most likely always have a strong feeling of jitters about performing, but how I choose to interpret and react to the sensation of the jitters is entirely under my control.  I am giving myself two options… sometimes its best to narrow down the options of ourselves like we do for kids: You can pick which pants you want to wear, the red ones or the purple ones, but you are going to wear pants… to help with making decisions, but I digress.  I can a) let them over run me, or b) not. Now the second option which is the one I am choosing is not as simple as “not” implies. “Not”, option b, is the what, not the how of my Gremlin Taming Plan. My “not” is changing the normal choreography I  would have followed and changing the steps and quality of movement I bring to the experience.

Let’s unpack the how my Gremlin Taming Plan, there are 5 parts.

Part 1:  Acknowledge that what causes me concern – the jitter, nerves, performance anxiety whatever you want to call it- exist.

Part 2:  Examine what story I am telling about them and look for evidence about why my concerns are founded and unfounded. No one likes to make mistakes, and it can be very disconcerting to make them in public, and YIKES! there are current and former professional national champions here, watching , glup… What am I nuts for thinking I can get out on the floor and look as if I belong here… Heavens to mercury what if I catch my heel and do a face plant instead of a spiral turn… blah, blah, blah.

Part 3: Weigh the consequences I get from my story. Well if you focus on what might happen, especially what bad things might happen you’ll never get to see what good things might happen.

Part 4: Retell my story in a new more positive, proactive voice. You have trained. You have practiced. You have some skills and more importantly you LOVE to dance. You like to watch other people dance and they in turn like to watch you to dance and we all want to do well here. The better I am the better they are, so really this is a win-win. And if for some bizarre reason you do a face plant in place of a spiral turn it will become a memorable cocktail story.

Part 5: Live out my new story and see how my energy shifts. I’ll let you know, but I think it will be something along the lines of this. I whirled and twirled, smiled, cha-cha’ed and contributed to a day filled with excitement, joy and encouragement for many people. It was a success and really gratifying and dang it a lot of fun.

There is no magic formula here and many other folks have outlined in their own words and ways how to begin shifting your normal patterns of thinking and doing. I offer the metaphor of choreography for your life and that you as an adult are the primary choreographer for your life. You can choose to do the same steps over and over, or you can choose to rework your movements to better suit the current rhythms and stretch your capacities. Will it always flow beautifully? No, not likely. Will the experience be interesting and beneficial? Yes. So go find your rhythm, listen to the story is offering and tell your best story now as well as you can.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Ballroom Dance, Bolero, Cha Cha, Coaching, Creativity, Gremlin, Mambo, Rumba, Swing, Tango, West Coast | No Comments »

                 

Saturday Night Fever: A Tale of Dreams Coming True

September 29th, 2009

Last Saturday night a group of ordinary people did something exceptional. They put on their dancing shoes, wiped nervous sweat from brows, fluffed out feathers, straighten ties, step on stage and danced as part of the local YMCA’s Dancing for Dreams event, helping to raise more than $19,000. A whopping $4,000 more raised than the previous year’s event and darn close to this year’s goal of $20,000. We may make it yet, as money is still rolling in day by day. Dancing for Dreams is the primary fundraiser for our YMCA and the funds raised helps to provide scholarships for kids and families who otherwise would be unable to take advantage of the health and wellness services provided by our local YMCA.

Seven local stars and 6 people fulfilling the role of “professional partners” carried on a tradition that began three years ago when a couple of local women thought that an event based on the Dancing with the Stars phenomenon might make a good fundraiser. Being formidable, resourceful and persuasive they sold the idea to the YMCA Director. With virtually no budget, but with much dedication they pulled in a number of people, including me, to pull to get the first event, which raised a $5,000, a sum that seemed impossible at the time. So the next year the event grew merging with an auction (live and silent) event already in place for the YMCA. Year two the dancers alone again raise a sizable sum, and now we happily repeated this achievement again. Part of what makes this so amazing is this event occurs in a small Midwestern town (population 9,900), where farming remains a strong way of life and there is limited industry.

It is a privilege to for me to be part of such an effort, three years running now. All of dancers are amateurs with the exception of one young ballroom instructor. This wonderfully motley crew, spends hours learning to dance, learning their choreography, selling tickets to the event, as well as figuring out costumes and having some real fun. It’s gutsy for our local stars in particular, to get out on stage to dance, as the evenings entertainment.  Our stars have included, a high school librarian, attorneys, a retired judge, the county clerk, a physician’s assistant, a program director, a bank president, several business owners, an optometrist, the art center director, a school superintendent and the YMCA’s Executive Director (who by the way has got some good rhythm).  My hat is off to all of our local stars and “pros” who have tackled the Waltz, East Coast Swing, Bolero, Tango, Foxtrot, Jitterbug, West Coast Swing, Rumba, Hustle, Cha-Cha and Samba over the past three years. Most of these folks don’t dance regularly, some may never dance again, and some you could not imagine dancing in the first place, but each of them has said how much they enjoyed the experience. For some it has been a dream to learn how to dance. For some it was just an interesting way to support a good cause. All of them put their best foot forward, took a risk and made magic happen.

It astounds me what can happen when people put steady, solid actions together with dreams and hope.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Ballroom Dance, Bolero, Cha Cha, Courage, Fitness, Foxtrot, Health, Hope, Intentions, Personal Challenge, Rumba, Swing, Tango, Waltz, Well being, West Coast | No Comments »

                 

Sore Feet, “but like what I see in the mirror when I’m looking at me when I am walkin’ past the mirror”*

August 6th, 2009

I would personally like to thank the makers of Aveda’s Foot Repair. I have been on my feet, in my ballroom heels (even the practice shoes have heels) so much the past few weeks I am in real danger of developing a nasty case of “dancer feet”. Dancer feet: the calluses, sore spots, bruises, and blisters and occasional bleeding toes that result from multiple hours of abuse use of one’s feet by a dancer. My beloved Foot Repair seems to be the only thing saving me from the unsightly and uncomfortable state of full on dancer feet. A pumice stone can only do so much.

On the other hand video can reveal much. Sometimes rather more than with which I would like to contend. In my enthusiasm to push myself and take full advantage of the opportunity for personal growth and excellence that the Windy City Open represents I am competing in 9 different dances- that’s two hands worth of fingers- as well as performing two exhibition numbers, which are of course in two different dance styles than any of my competition dances. That is 11 different dances routines and styles or two hands worth of fingers and one toe. Enter video as a tool.

Normally I don’t use video as a learning tool. Generally I can tell by feel and body mechanics what I am doing well and what needs more work. Between that and writing out the routines I can practice on my own with good results.  Plus I have never liked looking at myself on film. I find it too easy to tune myself out as a defense against being my own most vigorous critic. But nine different routines as short as they may be averaging a minute is a lot to retain with so little time before the competition. Normally people begin preparing for a competition 10- 12 weeks in advance, not 5 -6 weeks before the competition. Two weeks ago was the first lesson after I decided I wanted to enter the competition and we worked out the choreography for all nine dances.  Last week’s lesson was practice, practice, refine and more practice. We are on a break neck pace, but the momentum while fast feels exciting and good, like a Quickstep.

So I am learning to take a big breath, open my eyes and look at the dang videos. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be, to see myself on video. Yes there are things to work on, lines to be improved and foot work to be more percise.  My Rhythm dances (Cha- Cha, Rumba, Swing, Mambo, Bolero, West Coast) are stronger than my Smooth (Waltz, Tango, Foxtrot, Viennese Waltz) nothing unexpected there. To my surprise my smooth footwork one the video was not in a state of complete shambles as I thought it was- hurrah! I am here to tell you folks it is amazing what can be practiced while cooking dinner. Speaking of dinner, I will definitely continue with my current watch-what-you-eat-recovery-from-vacation-eating mode. Nothing like seeing yourself on video and knowing there is Lycra in your future to re-enforce good eating habits. See what I mean about one area of growth impacts other areas of life.

* Just Fine by Mary J. Blige: this is my current theme song.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Ballroom Dance, Bolero, Cha Cha, Courage, Dance, Foxtrot, Learning, Mambo, Perseverance, Quickstep, Rumba, Swing, Tango, Viennese Waltz, Waltz, West Coast | 1 Comment »