Hope: The Catalyst For Action

October 10th, 2011

October always seems to me a hopeful month. There are festivals and fairs, celebrating the bounty of autumn’s harvest almost every weekend. There are fundraising walks/runs happening almost every week- groups of people coming together to support making change in the face of difficult circumstances. Some areas of the areas of the country are putting in a second crop of cool of weather vegetables. As piles of leaves begin to grow kids will be whooping and jumping into them. And it is football season, and every team believes this season, this week will be a winning one. In all it seems there is still time to make the most of a fruitful season, to carry forward the momentum of September’s back to business character.

Yes the days grow shorter, but that does not hamper the sense of gathering of hope. There is no real resistance to the innate changes that are part of the seasonal shift. You can practically see the Zen Theory of Change in action.

“I free myself, not by trying to be free,

but by simply noticing how I am imprisoning myself

in the very moment I am imprisoning myself.”

~Lao Tzu

Zen Theory of Change  is Hopeful Change. It is at its core about not fighting the reality, rather seeing it for what it is and is not then deciding to do something about it. We see this in nature when the seasons change. Nature does not fight leaves turning colors and falling from trees, and the temperatures dropping, it is simply part of the larger cycle of growth and life. Still there is action taken.  Harvests are brought in and put up in glass jars and freezers filled with fruits and vegetables. Squirrels are busy burying nuts in my flowerbeds.  Both of these acts are underscored by hope. Hope that doing this work will provide enough for future months were less action can be taken.

Hope, it is complex and often misunderstood. Hope is not denial, optimism, or simply wishing. True hope is based in reality. It is not passive in nature and does not only take positive factors into account. Hope is a prerequisite for action. Coaches and social workers (I am proud to be both) know that hopeless people become helpless people. Helplessness is a paralyzing state, inflexible. No sense of self- efficacy, personal agency, or of compassion for one’s self (or anyone else) is present. Pity maybe present but that is rarely useful when you need to refocus, and take action. Enter the pep talk:  the coach’s talk at half time and a sudden turn around in play for a football team or the chat with one’s dance instructor after a less than stellar first performance (something I know a little about). Conversely see a pep talk that keep’s the momentum building and a person grounded when things are going well. Both are designed to inspire action through hope.

Combine the Zen Theory of Change with Hope and you’ll stop fighting, simply beginning to notice more and that is the start to change. You see what is real, and what is not real. You create enough distance between you and the problem, that more than one possibility exists. Most of us get stuck on autopilot that sounds like “there is only one way to do that”, or “I have tried that in the past and it did not work”, or “I don’t know where to start.”  Instead of playing tug of war over a gaping forbidding pit with whatever the problem is you can simply decide to drop the rope (not literally). The problem is still there, but you are not being pulled by it or towards the pit. Now both hands are free to be put to work in a more useful way.  That alone is a change and helps to ease the discomfort that is a natural part of change.

Part of what I love about my work is helping people refocus and restore hope, in service of creating a meaningful life that makes the most your time and capacities within a structure that simultaneously keeps you on track and is flexible adjusting to changing circumstances. Together we line up the dots between where you are now and a lasting solution a pressing issue. Doing so has the added benefit of making bouncing back from life’s inevitable adversity and set backs happen with greater ease, because there is hope. And hope is what gets us moving to Start. Now.

                 

An Irish Blessing

March 17th, 2011

May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life’s passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!

                 

I dream, therefore I become

September 22nd, 2010

I dream, therefore I become.” ~ Cheryl Renee Grossman

What will you become? What do you dream and what will you strive to make real?

                 

Fusion Energy: Good for the Soul?

September 13th, 2010

Fusion energy- the result of two positively charged elements combined into a single element. It is what powers the sun, and the stars.  What about the same principle holding true for people and human systems? When the positive stuff within each of us fuses with the other positive stuff, instead of bouncing around as seemingly unrelated aspects or attributes.

Our joy in life connects with the work we do to earn a living. Going to work is not a drag.  Our values meld with how we choice to spend our free time. We do that things we enjoy for both pleasure, as well as those things that other might call altruistic. Innate strengths couple with talents. And we discover a new professional path to follow. Health in one area of life connects with health in others, resulting in greater well-being. That is a magnificent experience to have the good stuff fusing away as a wellspring of energy and action.

A client of mine, Debbie,  a small business owner, wife and mother of two, described her experience like this. “I am both grounded and energized. My presence at work and home is thoughtful and active. I am able to be reactive to life but not scattered. My business is moving into a new phase which I am excited about.” She dug for the good stuff in herself and her life, and used that to make decisions about where to focus her business energies, which freed her up to be more present with her sons and husband. She actively decided what she would let go of and what to say ye to. When the road a head was riddled with doubt she returned to the core of these positives to keep a grip and perspective.

Here are two ways that can help you dig for the good stuff.

  • Write yourself a letter respond to the following statements. 1) Tell me about a high point in your life when you felt most alive and really proud. 2) Without being modest, what do you value most of about you contributions to work, home, and/or your community? 3) When are you at your best?
  • Ask 5-10 people from different aspects of your life, (friends, colleagues, family, clients…) to tell you about: 1) a unique or fun experience they have had with you; and 2) your top five traits or quirks. Be brave and ask them to be brave, you’ll get some warm and delightful responses. I know because I did this myself.
                 

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the staircase

June 9th, 2010

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the staircase.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

                 

Making Meaning, Casting Anchors and Planting Roses

April 6th, 2010

To incorporate new information into our lives,  people must make meaning of the new information. This is a very personal and idiosyncratic process in which each individual selects information that aligns with their values and makes sense in their particular context, at work, at home, wherever. If after the initial glow of “hum…?” you can’t make sense of something you are more likely to leave it be.

So what to do when confronted with information that you simply cannot make good sense of, or find rhyme of reason in? Like learning that a beloved friend has been diagnoses with Multiple Sclerosis. This vital, vibrant, determined, funny passionate woman with a wonderful husband, a 3 year old child and an excellent position at a large State University. My heart is adamant, “This does not make sense and it is NOT fair !” My mind tells me, “Life is not fair, get over it.” And all in all I think it stinks- which are not exactly the words I used when she told me. I’ll leave that to your imagination.

She said the next year of living with MS would be as much about understanding what it means to her, to her husband and family for her to live with MS. What meaning will they attach to this new information? I have no idea, but I was struck by the anchoring this sentiment gave my friend. Incorporating this new thing, this new information would be a process for her and her loved ones. It would unfold overtime as she continues to act as a mother, a wife, a lover, a colleague , friend, patient, daughter and all the roles she plays.

One part of the meaning she has made, is to “stop and smell the roses, more.” For her this information is not only about her physical health, but also about how she chooses to act, do and be in the world.  She’s not one to run from adversity, frankly she’s been known stir it up when maybe she should not, but she’s using her values of standing-my-ground and focusing-on-what-I-want,  to frame things in a positive light. And when the days are not positive, she’ll be able to find that anchor.

What a good reminder to seek out anchors and have them at the ready to help stabilize things when the inevitable lousy days and times roll around. I am going to send her a rose bush to plant in her garden and plant one of the same in mine. I think they will be the prettiest anchors on the block.

                 

How to be a Positive Person

March 22nd, 2010

I could not say it better than Leo Babauta, of Zen Habits, one of the keys to the person success is a positive and grounded approach life. Any of the success I’ve had in cultivating new habits and achieving things in the last few years has been underscored by applying what I have learned from positive psychology and cultivating positive change with my coaching clients to my own life.  Click here for Tips on Being a Positive Person.

                 

Saturday Night Fever: A Tale of Dreams Coming True

September 29th, 2009

Last Saturday night a group of ordinary people did something exceptional. They put on their dancing shoes, wiped nervous sweat from brows, fluffed out feathers, straighten ties, step on stage and danced as part of the local YMCA’s Dancing for Dreams event, helping to raise more than $19,000. A whopping $4,000 more raised than the previous year’s event and darn close to this year’s goal of $20,000. We may make it yet, as money is still rolling in day by day. Dancing for Dreams is the primary fundraiser for our YMCA and the funds raised helps to provide scholarships for kids and families who otherwise would be unable to take advantage of the health and wellness services provided by our local YMCA.

Seven local stars and 6 people fulfilling the role of “professional partners” carried on a tradition that began three years ago when a couple of local women thought that an event based on the Dancing with the Stars phenomenon might make a good fundraiser. Being formidable, resourceful and persuasive they sold the idea to the YMCA Director. With virtually no budget, but with much dedication they pulled in a number of people, including me, to pull to get the first event, which raised a $5,000, a sum that seemed impossible at the time. So the next year the event grew merging with an auction (live and silent) event already in place for the YMCA. Year two the dancers alone again raise a sizable sum, and now we happily repeated this achievement again. Part of what makes this so amazing is this event occurs in a small Midwestern town (population 9,900), where farming remains a strong way of life and there is limited industry.

It is a privilege to for me to be part of such an effort, three years running now. All of dancers are amateurs with the exception of one young ballroom instructor. This wonderfully motley crew, spends hours learning to dance, learning their choreography, selling tickets to the event, as well as figuring out costumes and having some real fun. It’s gutsy for our local stars in particular, to get out on stage to dance, as the evenings entertainment.  Our stars have included, a high school librarian, attorneys, a retired judge, the county clerk, a physician’s assistant, a program director, a bank president, several business owners, an optometrist, the art center director, a school superintendent and the YMCA’s Executive Director (who by the way has got some good rhythm).  My hat is off to all of our local stars and “pros” who have tackled the Waltz, East Coast Swing, Bolero, Tango, Foxtrot, Jitterbug, West Coast Swing, Rumba, Hustle, Cha-Cha and Samba over the past three years. Most of these folks don’t dance regularly, some may never dance again, and some you could not imagine dancing in the first place, but each of them has said how much they enjoyed the experience. For some it has been a dream to learn how to dance. For some it was just an interesting way to support a good cause. All of them put their best foot forward, took a risk and made magic happen.

It astounds me what can happen when people put steady, solid actions together with dreams and hope.

                 

A sense of place, peace and wonder

July 17th, 2009

Some time ago a friend described to me the importance of sense of place to her. When you know a particular city, region or neighborhood holds a home or an embrace of sorts for you. There is something about the location that just fits what you need for a minute, a week or a lifetime. She is a Southerner who deeply loves the landscape, charms and quirks of her home state and the South as a whole. However, she also feels a compelling, spiritual pull for the Rocky Mountains, Este’s Park area in particular.

Mountains, big hills, the scent of balsam, humus, clean air, the sound of rushing stream, rolling waves, the crack of a twig underfoot… all of these elements evoke a powerful sense of place and peace for me. Recently I was fortunate to travel the Cabot Trail in breathtaking Cape Breton, Nova Scotia with my husband and some friends. They cycled the trail (its not the Tour De France but hat’s off to them) and I happily drove the SAG (support and gear wagon) enjoying the scenery and some hiking, it was a restorative and wonderful trip.

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The photos from the trip help to ease the transition back into the chaotic world of work and other every day normal tasks.  I just breath better when I look at them. Someone wise once said if you can change your breath you can change your life. The stress of changes at work, selling a house, managing the grocery shopping… all become much more contained and smaller with each breath and each look. I hope you enjoy the views above and have a sense of place of your own that can transport you and connects you with something deeply personal and exultant.

                 

How to to Find Your Knowing Gut

July 7th, 2009

This post picks up from yesterday’s post on trusting your instincts.

First sit in a comfortable place and position. Quiet your external environment.  Turn down or better yet, turn off the radio, TV or computer. Dim the lights if you are indoors. If you can get near natural sunlight, please do.

Close your eyes. Breathe in, and out, in a gentle steady rhythm for you.  Keep breathing like this for the remainder of the exercise. Become aware of what you are feeling in your body, your arms, your stomach, your legs, your chest, your back, your fingers, your head… What do you feel? And where do you feel it?

When your mind wanders to some thought, just notice that it has wandered and bring your attention back to your body. What do you feel? And where do you feel it?

And when your mind once again wanders to some thought, just notice that it has wandered and bring your attention back to your body. What do you feel? And where do you feel it?

There are most likely consistent answers you are getting to the questions: What do you feel? And where do you feel it? This is your knowing gut. It might be in your abdomen, or legs and left little pinky finger, different people find it in different places.

Are you not entirely sure what and where you are feeling? That’s okay. Keep practicing this exercise and the answers will become clearer. The smog we have in our internal environments can take time to dissipate. But it will dissipate.

This is only one possible exercise to find your knowing gut. If it does not work well for you, try something else. You might go for a long walk, during which you focus your attention not on the thoughts running around in your brain, but rather on those coursing through the fibers and bones of your body. 

Know of some other exercises? Please feel free to share them with me in the comment section of my blog. I’d love to learn about what works or not for you.