Vulnerability and Strength

February 14th, 2012

I am thrilled to share a sneak peek of an article I recently published in the Jackson Free Press.

To love is to care deeply enough about an idea to see it come into being, whether that idea is a romance with another person, writing a novel or starting a business. Love sparks your desire to learn all you can about that someone or something. It is what keeps us engaged during difficult times. Love can lead to disappointments and joys. It requires two oppositional forces in a person: the vulnerability of openness and the protection of strength.

Vulnerability and strength are two sides of one coin, and each requires courage. From vulnerability comes strength if approached with an honest, open conscience, a clear heart, and the resolve to persevere through disappointments and successes. An authentic, lasting relationship that has give and take is built from honesty, trust and support. To be honest requires a certain amount of showing your soft underbelly, to test if you and your ideas will be supported. Will you click with this person? Is there viability in this notion, this business or personal relationship?

Read on. . . then leave your comments here or on the Jackson Free Press site.

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From Vulnerability Comes Strength

January 10th, 2012

A client recently received a thank you gift from a local board for her many years of service, a generous gift certificate to a spa. A very thoughtful gift and one she appreciated but did not want. She simply does not enjoy spas. Instead of being disappointed and resentful, her normal reaction in the past to like events, she saw it as a moment of realization. “People need to know me better and I need to allow that [to happen]. I am going to be more authentic to let people know me and really get to know others.  Yes I am risking exposure to criticism, but the rewards MORE than outweighs that risk of criticism. The joy you miss by not doing this is great.”

Can you guess what her resolution is for 2012?

Vulnerability and strength are two sides of one coin and each requires courage. From vulnerability comes strength if approached with an honest open conscious, a clear heart and the resolve to persevere when there are disappointments and when there are successes too. An authentic lasting relationship that has give and take is built from honesty, trust and support. To be honest requires a certain amount of showing your soft underbelly, to test if you and your ideas will be supported. Will you click with this person? Will your ideas resonate? Is there viability here in this notion? In this business or relationship?

Trust of course comes over time when you expose your soft underbelly and consistently are not injured. Like tempering steel or hardening off plants you become made of strong stuff when tested with the intention of cultivating something more something sincere and honest. It is also much more likely that no opportunity or skill is wasted or overlooked, underutilized.

These bona fide relationships are strong foundations upon which to build a sustaining business and life. They provide a foundation for us to be brave enough to make the most of rich qualities with which we have been endowed. From this community is fostered and we create possibilities to support the greater good for all parties.

Deirdre Danahar©2012

Deirdre Danahar, MSW, MPH, LICSW is a Personal Coach working with busy people with complicated lives to focus on what is most important. Reach her at Deirdre@inmotioncc.com or inmotioncc.com.

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Captain Humanities

June 19th, 2011

Still no new Marvel Comics™  series of crime fighting capers based on my family, but I am darn sure proud of them.  In honor of Father’s Day I present Captain Humanities aka my Dad.

Captain: a person given authority over a team

Humanities: the study or man kind and human affairs

Captain Humanities is the son of an educator and became one too as a college professor, in yes Humanities, European History in particular and eventually an administrator (what some people call “crossing to the dark side”).  For him exploring history and other humanities is a way to understand and come to peace with the complexities of life, a medium through which to highlight human dignity and possibilities. He grew up with parents passionately devoted to each other and to fostering lively discussions (read debates that could described as epic at times). A tradition passed on to Captain Humanities two daughters. Ensuring we became thinking beings, who learned to both explore and discovered what intrigued us, understand that collectively humans share certain values, “predominant human drive [is] to be positive and forward looking” and most importantly to stake a stand for whom and in what you believe, even, especially when that makes you unpopular.  When his son arrived some 24 plus years after the first daughter, those same lessons were passed on. Lest you think him a naive idealist or fuddydud-  I assure you he’s not. He introduced his daughters to the wonder of  The Three Stooges (yes we are fans), a likes a bawdy joke, and went roaring down snow covered hills on a toboggan with his beloved grand kids this past Christmas.

Here’s to you Dad! Thanks!

Captain Humanities is one more personal superhero who showed me ways to overcome the “bad guys” in life and celebrate and elevate the “good guys”. So Marvel Comics™ if you are looking for inspiration, give me a call and I can tell you more.

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Daredevil Mom and Superduper Stepmom

May 8th, 2011

No Marvel Comics™ has not put out a new series of crime fighting capers (though I will admit to wanting to see the new film Thor, which probably tells you more about me than you want to know). In honor of Mother’s Day I present my Daredevil Mom and Superduper Stepmom.

Daredevil: 1794 (n.) “recklessly daring person,” from dare (v. to have the boldness to try; venture; hazard) + devil. The devil might refer to the person, or the sense might be “one who dares the devil (cf. scarecrow, cutthroat).*

Superduper: adjective Informal . extremely good, powerful, large, etc.; very super; marvelous or colossal.*

Daredevil Mom who was born bold, strong and full of love. Bucking tradition becoming the first person in her family to go to college. While there majored in science and helped to accidentally integrate the intramural sports and clubs (That’s a whole other story).  Who’s always had or found the boldness to try something that would improve our lives, and increase her experience in the world. Regardless of what society said was proper or how scary it felt. Her most recent adventure is an epic trip out west with her sister and a friend of 42+ years.  Three ladies, a rental car, some maps, traveling from Las Vegas, to the Grand Canyon heading to Yellowstone park-awesome!


Superduper Stepmom who at age 22 had the gust to move in with my Dad and then have two kids show up 2 weeks later for the summer.  After 31 years she’s still here and has never tried to be our mother, we had one. She became our friend, confident and most definitely family. Forging her own place in the world personally and professionally, completing a law degree, then practicing law, eventually becoming a Mom in her own right (giving us a brother) and always speaking her mind, standing up for what and in whom she believes, while never forgetting the importance of play. Here she is flying a kite.


Both of these personal superheros showed me ways to overcome the “bad guys” in life and celebrate and elevate the “good guys”. So Marvel Comics™ if you are looking for inspiration, give me a call and I can tell you more.

*Online Etymology Dictionary. Douglas Harper, Historian. 04 May. 2011.

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Love is in the air

February 14th, 2011

Okay it is Valentines Day and I want to talk about love. Love of life, Love of self and embracing your place in the world.  Recently I have come to know a woman who I think embodies this notion.
Nicole Marquez.  Nicole is a dancer/actress who dreamed of performing on Broadway. After graduating from University of Southern Mississippi in 2005, she saved her pennies and two years later moved to the Big Apple, New York City.  Life was everything she hoped, and she was getting auditions. Returning home one evening, after a promising audition Nicole realized she was locked out of her apartment. So what did this spunky woman do? Climb up the airshaft to the open window of her top floor apartment, but, and this is a big but, there was no safety net below. She fell 6 stories to the base of the airshaft.

Her body was shattered, literally. Broken neck, broken pelvis, broken ribs, plus 4 mini-strokes while in IUC- things did not look good. If she survived she’d never walk again. Well let me tell you, Nicole walks, unaided and get this TEACHES Yoga Meets Dance, she is also a choreographer, and motivational speaker.

Nicole decided, once the fog of anesthesia wore off, that You Can’t Stop This Dancer would be her motto.  Life was too precious, her gifts too wonderful to be lost. That loving her self, her abilities, spunk and stubbornness would become tools to recreate her body, life and future.

To learn more about Nicole, follow her continued recovery, please visit Nicole’s blog or follow her on Twitter.

So love yourself, all of you, even the bits that cause you trouble. Embrace life, even the lousy things that come your way- there might just be an extraordinary experience around the bend.

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Quiet Courage

November 15th, 2010

Courage, what exactly is it? How do we know when we have it?

  • Is it trusting in your own strength, physical or emotional?
  • Is it to act in accordance with one’s beliefs and values especially in spite of criticism?
  • Is it something a person must be able to sustain it in the face of difficulty?

I suggest it is all of these.  Courage can be big and bold like taking a stand in the face of great danger. Or it can be subtle perseverance towards an enterprising goal. Fundamentally I believe courage demands integrity, personal agency and honesty.  Honesty may not be the first associated made with the word courage, but to act authentically and aligned with core values demands a substantial amount of strength in the face of the unknown.

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” ~ Raymond Lindquist

My clients are some of the most courageous people I know. Each and everyone without fail have reached that goal or a better outcome when they coupled their perseverance with personal agency. In some cases they have made long strides to overcome low self-esteem, self-efficacy as well as the discouraging pessimistic messages from others.

Their personal visions for a more compelling future laid the foundation, their will to let go of the familiar and to try again tomorrow supplied the tools and their innate abilities and creativity provided the materials to make real their aspirations.  To be a part of such a journey is an honor for which I am deeply grateful.

The zest for life they bring is sustaining and infectious.  One has ventured out to make a part-time ballroom dress design business, a big beautiful business.  Erin has rekindled the creative fires at home by literally and figuratively clearing away the clutter. An other client has pressed forward to complete her second children’s book. Emily has embraced a new sense of physically and took part in this year’s RAGBRI biking through Iowa. Dana created the sacred space in her home that nurtures her family. David made a bold decision to move back to the unexpected city with his wife and child because it was the right fit for them, even though it is far from “home.”

So how will you be courageous in service of your best life?

“Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” ~Mary Anne Radmacher

 

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