You Can Master the Art of Making A Life and A Living

October 22nd, 2012

Over the past several weeks I have been sharing with you about the very real, very human challenge many people, maybe even you, wrestle with, how to make a life that allows you to have a life?  To work and earn a living so you can take care of your family AND invest in your personal needs and wants too. All without feeling like you are forever frantically chasing a never-ending to-do list.

Maybe you are:

  • Worn out from the mad-dash of trying to get it all done.
  • Neglecting what calls from the marrow of your bones and that hurts with a deep steady pulsing ache
  • Stuck in “I don’t know what” or “I don’t know how” but know something needs to be different.
  • Fearing, secretly (or not so secretly) who you are, so you try to wedge yourself into a form meant for someone else and therefore are holding yourself back. Or feel like a fraud.
  • Know you need to slow down but can’t find “the breaks”.
  • Striving to prioritize so you’re not wasting time on things that drain you and exhaust you and trying to find time for the things that make your life rich, zesty and splendid, but never quiet getting there.

Bottom line you want to know how to bring in the real materials of your life- the people and things that matter to you most and all too often can drop to the very bottom of your to do list-  into your daily experience. But you’re stuck at HOW?

I can help you answer that question. So you feel as if you can float unfettered without feeling untethered to soar to new highs in your life while remaining grounded in the real materials of your life. That you are willing to risk letting go of what is familiar, what’s “right” and do what you must in order to live into a promise you made to yourself. Perhaps to do even what you deeply fear so that you live into the promise of your true north.

Honestly I am super excited to help you resolve lingering questions or worries that hold you back from focusing on your Big WHY and bear hugging your inner geek, so you can make a life and a living that matters in a deeply personal way. My new program, Mastering the Art of Bringing in the Real Materials of Your Life into Your Daily Experience will help you find your answers and begin to make a full zesty life.

Who is this program for?

  • Smart, busy professionals ready to make the shift to getting the right things done so they make a life and a living.
  • People committed to crafting a well-edited life that ensure their ability to craft a full, rounded, enriching experience in the world.
  • People who are extraordinarily committed to their success and well-being and are open to being held accountable by a coach.
  • Folks who are ready to be sparked to take action they might not otherwise.

What will you get from the program?

  • Make tangible progress on projects that allow you to make a life and a living.
  • Loosen the stifling grip of fears and move forward despite what unnerves you.
  • Become clear about where your natural strengths and your passion intersect so extraordinary things can happen because you make decisions in alignment with these and without fighting your nature.
  • You’ll edit out what siphons off your energy, so that what is in your life are those things and people and experiences that nourish and challenge you.
  • The important aspects of life — areas that may have frustrated you for years – become visibly and measurably better, as you build a toolkit to prioritize and improve those things that make a life fulfilling.
  • Real, concrete, unwavering support and honesty in service of your goals.
  • Nine private 1-hour coaching sessions and unlimited email support in between the sessions.
  • Tools and resources you can use again in the future.

If you want to get on the fast track to making a rich, zesty and profoundly satisfying life that includes both professional success and personal fulfillment, then I’d love to be your guide. I’d love to have you be part of the beta test group helping me to make this an extraordinary experience. I am taking 9 people in the beta test.

I said I would offer you the chance to get on the phone with me start answering your questions . . . Here is your chance to request a complementary Making A Life Discovery Session with me. I am offering a limited number of these sessions. During the 30-minute session we will do three things.

  1. Create a clear vision about what a shift to making a live and living would look and feel like for you.
  2. Then we will explore obstacles that are getting in your way from making this shift.
  3. Finally we will outline the next steps you can take to move forward, including this program. (Should we choose to take a next step together we’ll be a little longer.)

Request your complementary Making a Life Discovery Session now here.

One last note, because I am beta testing this program, I am offering it at $800. I expect the full price to be closer to $1400. Also, I’ll periodically ask you for feedback.

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You Don’t Have to Be Defined by Work Alone

October 17th, 2012

Many people, maybe you, are no longer willing to let work alone define you. To push aside the most important people, interests, activities and things to you – the real material of your life- until one enchanted day in the future when there is time, or things feel more secure. Yes, the current economic crisis might have made you cautious about leaving work at work, but to do your best work, you need to feed the other parts of your life.  Those are important elements in feeling what you do matters. If are having trouble doing that you might even be resentful of who and what is in your life because there is no time for you- everything else hogs it all up.

Fundamentally you want to make a life that enriches you, your family and your community.  When you enrich yourself you consequently enrich those around you and even the world at large, because you can bring a greater depth of purpose and meaning to what you choose to do.  You crave to have a well-edited life that ensures your ability to craft a full, rounded, enriching experience in the world.

But how do just that?

Well first you have to believe you have earned the right to do take some time for yourself so you can sink into the real materials of your life.  After all people rely on you, at work , at home, in your community, in your social circle, people need you and your time and attention NOW. Right? Can you really afford to slow down and invest some time in your wants and needs? You might even be thinking, “Geez, if you could see my to-do list I am not sure you would even ask me this question.”

Taking time for yourself- your wants and needs- might feel greedy when so many people are relying on you. But get this, that is the very reason to find the courage to claim time for yourself.  You must edit out what siphons off your stunning life force, so that what remains in your life are those things and people and experiences that nourish and challenge you. When you do you restore the precious wellspring of energy that gives you the nerve and oomph to do what only you can do. When you don’t invest this time you are in danger of being resentful, fractured hollow version of who you are trying to be. And then how much use are you to the people who rely on you!

Wrestling with questions or worries that hold you back from focusing on your Big WHY and bear hug your inner geek, so you can make a life and a living that matters in a deeply personal way can be a lonely, confusing and complicated task.

  • Just what would making a life and a living actually feel ,look and be shaped life?
  • Could I be courageous enough to fall in love with my inner geek?
  • Can I really make space for the real materials of my life, in my life?

I would love to help you start answering those questions in concrete terms that point to actual steps you could take  so that you can sink some guilt free time into the fullness of who you are and what you crave to have in your life.  It sounds grand I know. In a way it is, these can be expansive questions.  Once you start delving into them, you will also need to make choices about what to edit out so in the end you are left with a crystal picture of what matter most to you. That’s when having a person in your corner with an open compassionate ear, who will partner with you to create a no B.S. zone to in which you can reflect and decide how to move forward can be your greatest resource.

Let’s get on the phone to start answering your questions . . . I am offering a limited number of complementary Making A Life Discovery Sessions. During the 30-minute session we will do three things.

  1. Create a clear vision about what a shift to making a live and living would look and feel like for you.
  2. Then we will explore obstacles that are getting in your way from making this shift.
  3. Finally we will outline the next steps you can take to move forward, including a new program I’m rolling out in just a couple of days. (Should we choose to take a next step together we’ll be a little longer.)

Book your complementary Making A Life Discovery Session now, just use this link.

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Your Work Should Matter and Feel Like It Too

October 14th, 2012

You are a success. You have figured out what to do in order to move up the organizational ladder, stay employed or start your own business, during a crazy unsettling few years. You may have figured out how to make you inner geek your best asset, delving into your strengths and deploying them with great skill. You work miracles everyday as you figure how to do more work with fewer people and fewer resources. You should be proud of your triumphs. After all you worked hard and made some sacrifices along the way.

You put up with commutes that absorb time you could be spending on something you enjoy (unless of course you enjoy long drives with lots of traffic) like finally taking painting classes or rekindling romance with your beloved.  Plus you might also be juggling your work with taking care of the family or your parents- not to mention your volunteer work. Could be that you spend your entire weekend on household stuff done because there is no time during the week (or when there is, you are too tired). Your days feel crowed and sometimes down right chaotic and, oddly enough, like something is missing. If you could just get to the bottom of your to-do list you might have the time to think about what that mysterious thing is.

My hunch is it may not be more money, or a bigger office. But that you wish to feel in the fiber of your being that what you do matters. That the impact of your work does not stop with a dollar amount or another plaque on the wall. That it is meaningful and contributes to the greater good-whether you work for pay or not. Moreover that part of that greater good is you and your needs.

Meaningful work is not in a job title- no matter what that title is- or how highly a position is regarded by others. Meaningful work is personally defined and experienced. It is the ways in which what you do enriches the world.  Jobs that provide enough money to support your family and afford you the wealth of spending time puttering in your garden or unscheduled play time with your kids are deeply meaningful. As is being a neurosurgeon who may have less time outside of the bounds of work, but is able to fulfill a personal mission to enable the health of others. The same can be for how you move through day, the way you interact with people and how you spend your time outside of work can be routes to meaningful work.

It is easy to put off doing the things that provide the foundation for how you can best contribute to the world, because you think or secretly believe/hope that a miraculous day in the future will arrive when you stop and take the time to do those things (or figure out what they might be in the first place). Magical thinking. There is always going to be something clamoring for your time, attention and skills,- like your smart phone that just announced an incoming email, or rang the alarm for a project reminder.

The escape of daydreams and wishful thinking is delightful and I even venture to say necessary. Dreams, hopes, wishes that can give you something to hold on to on days when you just think you can’t take anymore. They are a spark- a starting point. Not and end in and of themselves. You don’t write a wonderful book like Love in the Time of Cholera (Thank you Gabriel Garcia Marquez for introducing me to Magical Realism), with just a hope. But you have to start then and decide where to spend your time, mind and heart.

Are you are done waiting for some enchanted day in the future, are no longer willing to live to work and ready to start feeling on a more visceral level that what you do matters in a deeply personal way? That requires digging in and being absolutely clear  about your BIG WHY, a clear unwavering vision of what you crave most ardently and is deeply rooted in the real materials of your life.  It becomes a promise to live into.  The promise becomes a reality when you skillfully use the gifts and strengths of your inner geek in service of your Big WHY.

Previously I said that I have been working on a new program I believe will help you resolve lingering questions or worries that hold you back from focusing on your Big WHY and bear hug your inner geek, so you can make a life and a living that matters in a deeply personal way. Things like:

  • Just what would making a life and a living actually feel ,look and be shaped life?
  • Could I be courageous enough to fall in love with my inner geek?
  • Can I really make space for the real materials of my life, in my life?

Later this week I’ll be offering you the chance to get on the phone with me and start answering these questions in clear concrete terms.

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You Are Here to Enrich the World

October 9th, 2012

 

The best way I know to do this, to enrich the world and make a living, is to do is make a life, as well as a living.

Making a life is when you invest in all the important aspects of living, that includes having an income, while embracing what feeds your soul, enriches your experience, nurtures your ability to mature and cultivate wisdom, makes you smile, laugh, and cry. It is a full-blooded, full-bodied journey that unfolds overtime.  Making a living is just that, earning an income that supports your ability to feed, shelter and cloth yourself and perhaps those you care for too.  Both are important, but in this go-go-go world it is easy to be swept up making a living and forget to make a life.

I want for you, for all people, to uncover the joy of your heart and soul and bring that forward so that it is the true north for all you do. So that it infuses through the whole of your life. In the moments when you are not as free to act as you would like it steers you forward into the fullness of its promise. Not that everything is easy, sunshine, but that the “hummingbirds in life” -those tiny miracles and amazing, brilliant insights that you might miss if you don’t pay attention- come to you and you revel in the pleasure of small moments with a sense of wonder. That the challenges you confront are approachable and inspire you to reach to grow to expand.  That you unabashedly fall in love with yourself and what you do.

I have yet to meet the person who says in all seriousness, “I want my life to amount to a hill of beans” or the only thing written on their gravestone to be “She was a fine worker”. But I have met plenty of people (and even been one), who get snared by always doing the “right thing” rather than the best things.  You do the right things because you want to create a good life for yourself, your family and community You want to feel what you do matters, beyond a paycheck, that there is room for the real materials of your life and you can be calm in a chaos prone go-go-go world.

Ultimately you want to make a life that enriches you.  When you enrich yourself you consequently enrich the world, because you can bring a greater depth of purpose and meaning to what you choose to do.  You crave to have a well-edited life that ensures your ability to craft a full, rounded, enriching experience in the world.

But how do just that?

What might getting the right things done , so you can “make a life” that enriches you and the world, look like?

It is a shift to figure out in real, personal terms what “making a life” would be. What might it look, feel, smell like and be like for you? Not me. Not your parents. Not your colleagues. Not your friends. You. What you would be doing differently? What would you keep the same? How would you think, act and speak? How close are you now to your “making a life”? What would give you the courage to bridge that gap? Do you even think it is possible?

So many of my clients struggle with these types of questions.  I want to help you start answer these questions in clear concert terms quickly and with as much grace as possible. Later this month I am launching a new program, designed to  help you begin to master the art of making a life and a living.  Stay tuned for details.

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Go From Chaos to Calm: How Busy Professionals Stop the Daily Mad Dash

September 5th, 2012

As an accomplished professional you have worked hard to get where you are in personally and professionally, but all to often your day is swiftly gobbled up by pesky tasks and the needs of many.  Justifying what you do each day, or why you have morphed into a nagging micro manger seems like standard operating procedure.

You feel a push-pull between the desire to be a good provider financially and fully present for yourself, family and community.  Ensnared by the “as soon as” trap , all of your focus is on getting things done and  your “real life” is pushed aside.

You may be torn between being a highly professional, driven, get-it-done-right person and engaging your creative side. The part of you itching to explore, to play, to express itself- the part of you that craves rich experiences.

Some days its hard not feel undervalued, put upon and just wrung out from the mad dash to get through your to do list- never mind enjoying life. You are ready to do your best work, without sacrificing your quality of life, but you are just not sure how to make that happen.

Busy professionals I talk with crave to get things done to their high standards without feeling like everyday is a mad dash to get through their to do lists.The best way I see to do that is finding really practical ways to make the most of your time and resources so you can go from chaos to calm. Then you can meet the challenge of balancing long-term thinking with handling day-to-day realities, ensure things are done well and what you want becomes a regular part of your day.

Recently I gave a two-part interview on 6 practical and effective principles to help you go from chaos to calm.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrKslKsDWAA&w=420&h=315]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgOJnJw1DDc&w=420&h=315]

The chaos that comes from the urgency of day-to-day realities drown out long-term thinking and pursuing what you want in the marrow of your bones stops now. You need both achievement and enjoyment to be truly successful. Those things calling are your real priorities, attending to them is essential to give you the oomph to meet the challenges of life head on and delight in moments of joy too. Then you go from chaos to calm and can master the art of bringing the most important material in your life into your daily experience.

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Make A Life and A Living

August 20th, 2012

“There is no user manual for the rest of your life”, said my friend Virgilio Guardado.  Once you finish school, be that high school, college or graduate school most of us ask “Now what? Just exactly what I am supposed to do next?” Heck some of us ask that much later, when we are thinking about the next step in our lives. You make it up as you go along, pulling from the reference points and insights you encounter along the way.

We all say we make to make a life, the best life that I can. But how do you go about doing that? And what exactly does that mean? Making a life is when you invest in all the important aspects of living, that includes having an income, while embracing what feeds your soul, enriches your experience, nurtures your ability to mature and cultivate wisdom, makes you smile, laugh, and cry. It is a full-blooded, full-bodied journey that unfolds overtime.  Making a living is just that, earning an income that supports your ability to feed, shelter and cloth yourself and perhaps those you care for too.  In this go-go-go world it is easy to be swept up making a living and forget to make a life.

What I wish someone told me when I was younger, or that I had really listened when they did, about making life not just a living, are the eleven insights below.

  • Know who you are and be secure in that knowledge, especially if you are out of the mainstream. You don’t need to be dogmatic nor do you need to conform solely to fit in. We need the outliers to share a unique perspective, innovate, or offer a different approach.
  • Be courageous moving forward on your path. What happens along the way is not between you and the naysayers.  It is between you, your conscience and your spiritual reference.
  • You are making a life, not just a living.  Work-life balance is a process of making intentional decisions each day about what is best for you overall.
  • Careers are built over the course of time as you have experiences and develop skills that enrich you. Do more than you were asked.  Doing enough work to get by does not build a platform from which you continue to grow.
  • Remain teachable and find someone who will be frank with you. Take advantage of the opportunities to learn from experienced members of your industry.
  • Be scrappy; take a risk and when you do be confident not cocky.
  • Respect should be freely given to all; trust must be earned each day.
  • Be proud of what you bring to your work and world, and look for what others bring too.
  • Don’t take yourself too seriously.
  • Be passionate about something. It’s what drives and gives you the energy to keep going when you are stuck in a rut, need to learn something new or just feel mediocre.
  • Back-up and forgive yourself when you doubt your abilities, then try again.
Thanks Virgilio Guardado, Kasey Perry, Tashmia Prowell, Bryant Ryan, Nicole Kemp, Mom and Dad, for sharing your ideas with me.
Portions of this article originally appeared in BOOM Jackson, Summer 2012.
Deirdre Danahar©2012, All rights reserved

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You Can Get More of the Right Things Done and Enjoy More of Real Your Life Everyday

July 24th, 2012

People put in long hours sacrificing time with family, friends or personal interests for well-deserved professional accomplishments, and they are justifiably proud of their success.  Or something because that is what the job requires. Or that is what someone says you should do. But I have discovered, in talking with people, that something still feels lacking and it is not more money, or a bigger office.

When I talk with busy professionals they say they long for more hours in the days so they can get it ALL in, but we talk more we discover they want one of two things, sometimes both.

  • They are yearning to enjoy the real material of their lives as a part of their daily experience now and not some magical day in the future.
  • Or they crave to feel in the fiber of their being that their works matters, that it contributes to the greater good and its value is not only in a dollar of amount or a plaque on the wall.

They are ready to get out of the “as soon as trap” of waiting to enjoy life or do meaningful work.  One way to get to both desires by doing more the right things, rather than doing the right thing. Doing the right thing means doing what you “should” or “ought to do” because that is what circumstances, your job, someone or society says you need to address.  While getting the right things done, means your most keen efforts focus on the tasks, projects, people, hurdles and adventures that are fundamentally aligned with the real materials of your life.

If you want to stop the daily mad scramble to get-it-ALL-done and shift to getting more of the right things done, connect to your BIG WHY. You’ll make better decisions about how and on what you spend your time. Your BIG WHY is that most rich, luminous irresistible vision you have for you work and life -the important things that call from the very fiber of your being. Including the people and things that matter most to you. That support doing your best work. That brings calm and ease to your day. That you enjoy.  (For more on your BIG WHY, go here and here.)

If you were not running the daily mad dash how would you describe yourself if you were at your absolute, optional state both personally and professionally?

It is the spark for the practical projects you begin that lead to getting more of the right things done and the actions you make to move those projects forward. By taking on these projects and you create a more fulfilling, invigorating life where you are in control, even in the midst of chaos. It is often the important things that get put on the back burner and seldom if ever tended to. These are your right things to get done and when you pay attention to them it helps move you from chaos to calm by giving yourself permission to enjoy life now.

When you do take time for small moments of enjoyment, you slow down enough to breath, recharge and make decisions about what truly needs to be on your to-do list. When you don’t you can slip into a perpetual state of deprivation and negativity, which becomes a festering drain on your energy and ability to get more of the right things done.

We may not always be able to avoid chaos in life, but we can move through it with our real priorities in mind.

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Want Productivity without Fuss? Couple Purpose and Characteristic Strengths.

July 9th, 2012

If you’re feeling numb, burnt out, overworked, underutilized or just stale, the first thing to do is to get crystal clear about why you work. Find the purpose behind why you do what you do, whether you work as a solo business owner, in the executive suite, as an employee, or at home.

If you love your work and long for it to continue as a place of expansion, value and joy, find the purpose behind why you do what you do.

If you are taking the lead of a team that is new or struggling to reinvent itself, as a vibrant, productive collective, find the purpose behind why you do what you do- as individuals and as a team.

When you connect to the purpose and meaning behind your work you uncover your BIG WHY.  Your BIG WHY is that most compelling vision you have for you work and life and the spark for the projects your begin and the actions you make to move those projects forward. As a busy professional knowing your big WHY is vital for you to engage in projects and take action that keep you focused on your long term vision amid the hubbub that comes from managing changing daily needs and a long to do list.

The more powerfully connected you are to the intention and meaning of your work, the more energy you will have to create a thriving environment for the life you and work you want. Your practical steps fall more easily in to place and are more purposeful.  You slow down and really connect to that purpose, so you can focus on long-term thinking and projects, and more effectively manage daily tasks.  You can shift from a chaotic mad dash to a calm productive approach.

You may think (or people in your organization) think you can’t take the time to slow down enough to connect with the purpose and meaning of your work. But what I know is when you take a brief amount of time to refocus and breath actually always you to get more done. That happens because you conserve precious mental and physical energy, and strategically decide what to do when and how, so that things are done well in a timely way.  In the end you slow down enough to shift from chaos to calm.

Plus people then have space to experience the real materials of their lives every day, which increases their sense of connection and commitment. By the real materials of your life I mean, the people and things that matter most to you, that bring you joy and energizes you, which all to often fall at the bottom of your to do list.  When those things get short shrift, people easy fall into a negative draining cycle, that often can result in, not taking responsibility when they should, not sharing responsibility when they should, feeling resentful, or morphing into an nagging micro manager. Each of these drains away your vitality and the teams’ vitality.

When you couple that sense of purpose with a keen understanding of your characteristic strengths then things really open up the possibilities for success for you as an individual as well as for a team. Character strengths simply put are the things that you have always been good at and like to do. Sometimes they are so natural you don’t even notice them. When you don’t it is hard to make the most of them in yourself and in others. But what I know is you have a unique constellation of these that when you use you it seems like time stands still because you flow effortlessly through a task.

  • You can also more easily prioritize and delegate. Your character strengths are not squandered on things other people should be doing, but are focused on the important higher-level projects that really need your talent.
  • You are freed to share your wisdom and support other people’s development, without morphing into a nagging micro manager consumed by ensuring other people get things done.
  • For managers, having your staff know these, helps you better match individuals’ skill sets to tasks and create happy, invested and productive work teams.

These character strengths include Open mindedness, Gratitude, Integrity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Valor, Modesty, Kindness and Generosity, Amusement, Self-Control and Love . . . there are twenty four in all. You might be concerned that these are soft squishy skills, but I assure you they are not. The have a wealth of data behind these strengths of character.

  • There is nothing weak about a love of learning and find opportunities to learn wherever you go and in whatever you do.
  • There is nothing unprofessional about being creative and never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.
  • There is formidable power in being an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way.

When you use your signature strengths in service of your purpose-your BIG WHY-you put forth your best, most effective efforts. It’s hard not to feel vital, and satisfied when you use these gifts in service of your BIG WHY and get things done with ease.

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How to Make Time For Work and Play

June 28th, 2012

For many people summer is a time of loosening of schedules for some folks, like maybe your kids, but not everyone like you. Or if you are like me, your husband’s schedule loosens up, but your schedule does not.  The tug between finishing EVERYTHING on your plate and  enjoying some play time, say running around outside blowing bubbles (or whatever is great fun for you) can be stronger than ever. Here’s an idea frame your workdays so that you get things done AND preserve time for fun, playtime, this summer.  So how exactly do this without falling prey to the guilt monster? For me the answer is two-fold: 1) setting a very narrow but deliberately focused set of non-negotiable for my day (the things I must do some work on that day in order to keep moving forward even 5 minutes counts) and; 2) learning to be at ease with ambivalence or the undone. Sometimes number 2 is simply an act of faith, choosing to believe that all will be okay and that the world will continue to rotate on its axis if you are not at the office, or some things on your to do list does not get done. There is always one more email that could be sent, one more task to do. Tomorrow they will still be there, I remind myself.

Here’s a mini challenge I am setting up for myself this summer that I want to invite you to consider. Draw up a list of the fun /play activities you would like to do this summer. Post it where you cannot miss it during your workday. At least 2 workdays pick one to be your reward at the end of the day. So you might not have the mental energy to spend 3 hours reading a pleasure book on a Wednesday after you end the workday, get some exercise and maybe clean up the kitchen, but you will enough to read for 30 minutes.

For more on making time for work and play, check out my interview. . . especially you busy working parents . . .

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Tlj6sXZz5Y&w=420&h=315]

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Quiet Your Inner Critic’s Yammering, part 2

June 20th, 2012

Great You have started to notice when your pesky inner critic starts yammering away. That is the first step. Now you need to do something to put up a baffle to absorb the sound, so you can pay attention to what is real and not what is an unproductive distraction, so you can get more of the right things done. Today. Not some magical day in the future when you have done enough to stun your inner critic into silence.

Creating change takes time practice and a long frank look in the mirror to simply notice what holds us back and the role that negative self-talk plays in our lives. This will drive you inner critic batty because you are not responding. Now you also have a sense of the myths your self-sabotaging inner critic is whispering. You have choices to make:

  1. Believe the myths and proceed of normal
  2. Do something different: what other narrative could you use in place of the myth? What other reaction or steps could you take?
  3. Not doing anything at all. You just move on to something else.

Make Head or Tails of Your Inner Critic’s Yammering

How do I make sense of this yammering and what might be true? Good question. You need to be able to tell the difference so you can decide on the appropriate course of action.

Starting by making sure you know your habits. This is a blindingly obvious place to start. Your habits are some ingrained sometimes its easy to make assumptions about how you act or react.  When in fact what happens, what you think, what you do, can be unexpected and part of what feeds the inner critic. Don’t make any assumptions. Take the time to really know your normal response to situations and feelings to situations. And to people.

Put Up the Sound Baffle To Quiet Your Inner Critic

I can give you some concrete approaches that work for to quiet your inner critic, but there is an art to applying the two I have explored in this miniseries. That art of learning how to use these to quiet your own inner critic and the next key in stopping the yammering. Or at least not falling into an old routine of being bewitched by it so you get stuck.

There are some common scenarios where getting stuck happens.

  • Your inner critic maybe so crafty and quiet it is you are straining to hear exactly what it’s saying. Or to even notice when it is yammering away, until it’s too late.
  • Your habits that served you well for many years may be so reflexive, it is hard to see exactly what they are.
  • You might be clear about who is yammering, exactly what they are saying and even now your habits, but can’t seem to quiet that inner critic.

If you come up against any of these common stumbling blocks I can help. I want to help.

Busy professionals spend an enormous amount of time in their heads at work, at home, thinking about the next immediate task, solving problems, sorting through the deluge of media, that any extra noise is mental clutter you can’t afford. What I have seen is a learning a few skills can help you turn down the volume, quieting your inner critic. Once you have quieted the mental noise, and you can focus on what is fundamentally important, the you can thoughtfully consider how you spend your time, and get more of the right things done.

If I can help you please contact me for a complementary 30 minute Discovery Session. During which we will do three things: 1) get clear about what you really want that you inner critic is getting in the way of; 2) explore how your inner critic and anything else is getting in the way, and; 3) discuss some next steps.

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