Make A Life and A Living

August 20th, 2012

“There is no user manual for the rest of your life”, said my friend Virgilio Guardado.  Once you finish school, be that high school, college or graduate school most of us ask “Now what? Just exactly what I am supposed to do next?” Heck some of us ask that much later, when we are thinking about the next step in our lives. You make it up as you go along, pulling from the reference points and insights you encounter along the way.

We all say we make to make a life, the best life that I can. But how do you go about doing that? And what exactly does that mean? Making a life is when you invest in all the important aspects of living, that includes having an income, while embracing what feeds your soul, enriches your experience, nurtures your ability to mature and cultivate wisdom, makes you smile, laugh, and cry. It is a full-blooded, full-bodied journey that unfolds overtime.  Making a living is just that, earning an income that supports your ability to feed, shelter and cloth yourself and perhaps those you care for too.  In this go-go-go world it is easy to be swept up making a living and forget to make a life.

What I wish someone told me when I was younger, or that I had really listened when they did, about making life not just a living, are the eleven insights below.

  • Know who you are and be secure in that knowledge, especially if you are out of the mainstream. You don’t need to be dogmatic nor do you need to conform solely to fit in. We need the outliers to share a unique perspective, innovate, or offer a different approach.
  • Be courageous moving forward on your path. What happens along the way is not between you and the naysayers.  It is between you, your conscience and your spiritual reference.
  • You are making a life, not just a living.  Work-life balance is a process of making intentional decisions each day about what is best for you overall.
  • Careers are built over the course of time as you have experiences and develop skills that enrich you. Do more than you were asked.  Doing enough work to get by does not build a platform from which you continue to grow.
  • Remain teachable and find someone who will be frank with you. Take advantage of the opportunities to learn from experienced members of your industry.
  • Be scrappy; take a risk and when you do be confident not cocky.
  • Respect should be freely given to all; trust must be earned each day.
  • Be proud of what you bring to your work and world, and look for what others bring too.
  • Don’t take yourself too seriously.
  • Be passionate about something. It’s what drives and gives you the energy to keep going when you are stuck in a rut, need to learn something new or just feel mediocre.
  • Back-up and forgive yourself when you doubt your abilities, then try again.
Thanks Virgilio Guardado, Kasey Perry, Tashmia Prowell, Bryant Ryan, Nicole Kemp, Mom and Dad, for sharing your ideas with me.
Portions of this article originally appeared in BOOM Jackson, Summer 2012.
Deirdre Danahar©2012, All rights reserved
                 

Quiet Courage

November 15th, 2010

Courage, what exactly is it? How do we know when we have it?

  • Is it trusting in your own strength, physical or emotional?
  • Is it to act in accordance with one’s beliefs and values especially in spite of criticism?
  • Is it something a person must be able to sustain it in the face of difficulty?

I suggest it is all of these.  Courage can be big and bold like taking a stand in the face of great danger. Or it can be subtle perseverance towards an enterprising goal. Fundamentally I believe courage demands integrity, personal agency and honesty.  Honesty may not be the first associated made with the word courage, but to act authentically and aligned with core values demands a substantial amount of strength in the face of the unknown.

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” ~ Raymond Lindquist

My clients are some of the most courageous people I know. Each and everyone without fail have reached that goal or a better outcome when they coupled their perseverance with personal agency. In some cases they have made long strides to overcome low self-esteem, self-efficacy as well as the discouraging pessimistic messages from others.

Their personal visions for a more compelling future laid the foundation, their will to let go of the familiar and to try again tomorrow supplied the tools and their innate abilities and creativity provided the materials to make real their aspirations.  To be a part of such a journey is an honor for which I am deeply grateful.

The zest for life they bring is sustaining and infectious.  One has ventured out to make a part-time ballroom dress design business, a big beautiful business.  Erin has rekindled the creative fires at home by literally and figuratively clearing away the clutter. An other client has pressed forward to complete her second children’s book. Emily has embraced a new sense of physically and took part in this year’s RAGBRI biking through Iowa. Dana created the sacred space in her home that nurtures her family. David made a bold decision to move back to the unexpected city with his wife and child because it was the right fit for them, even though it is far from “home.”

So how will you be courageous in service of your best life?

“Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” ~Mary Anne Radmacher

 

                 

The Future: Yours to Invent

September 20th, 2010

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.” ~ Alan Kay

There is something to be said for deciding what you want more of in your future and doing something about making that desired future happen. Minimally you are more likely to get more of what you want… by getting what you want folks, I am not talking about visualizing a Porsche and having it magically appear paid for in the garage. As much as I love the idea of waving a magic wand and “poof!!!” a desired realized, I have jet to see that be an effect strategy here on earth.

But back to my point here. We can affect our futures. If you are clear about what you want more of and articulate and crystalline, palpable vision for that desired future you are poised to take considered specific action  in service of inventing it. You may not end up with exactly where you though we would, and you hopes may not be met in the way you expect, but its is a whole lot more likely you’ll get closer than you are now.

Why not try buddying up with someone to craft your vision and support you as you decide some specific actions. The power of two can be incredible. You could do this with a trusted friend or colleague who will support you and be honest enough to keep you accountable over the long haul. You could return the favor for her/him. Or you could work with a coach. I know a couple of coaches if you need a referral. Wink-wink.

(Seriously if you are interested in Coaching I would be happy to talk with you, and I would also be happy to make referrals if I am not a good fit for you.)

                 

The mind, once expanded…

August 25th, 2010

“The mind, once expanded to the dimension of a larger idea, never returns to its original size.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

                 

Simple Ways to Enhance Your Creativity

June 28th, 2010

Lately there has been a theme bubbling up from my clients and in workshops: Creativity. What makes a person creative? How can I be more creative? I’d like to have time for my other interests like… cooking, painting, my “compulsive craftiness”, writing, or photography. My business needs some new ideas, but I feel stuck. I need some inspiration in my life.

Now it is easier than ever to be creative. There are a plethora of resources at our disposal: hello Photoshop and iphoto, DIY Network, blogs on style, knitting, painting etc. It is also easier to be distracted by all these resources, never mind our daily realities of email, work responsibilities, family, etc. The Internet holds a mired of tips about creativity, but I though I would share the ones I use and find tested and true. They are in no particular order, just the way they tumbled out today.

1. Stop telling yourself you are not creative. You are. We all are. Some of us are just more adept at showing it- a tip of my hat to my artist friends. There is not a kid the world that does not dive into the deep end of creativity when they play. The imagination is a wonderful thing. We don’t lose our imagination, but it might become a bit rusty from lack of use.

2. Quiet & stillness. Get a way from the distractions. Find a way to center your self and connect to what interests you. You don’t need any woo-woo rituals do this. Maybe getting up early, drinking your morning cup-o-joe, looking out the window gets you centered. Maybe some mindful breathing works for you. Whatever allows you to be focused and centered is the thing to do.

3. Schedule it. Now this seems counter intuitive to the classic image of the painter working when the moment strikes, or the writer suddenly dashing off to write a masterpiece when inspiration goes off like fireworks. Most creative people I know, be they painters, dancers, knitters, writers, jewelers, or cooks, practice and set aside for work, regularly. They make it a priority and hold time sacredly in their calendars. – the both the group who are professionals and those of us who are amateurs, especially those of use who are amateurs.

4. Nature, be in it. Sunshine. Moonlight. A potted plant or a 5 acre spread. A park. What is more creative than nature? All those colors, sounds, smells, textures, the shifts of light creating new patterns. Find inspiration everywhere. What catches your eye when you are outside?

5. Play with your senses. Move your body. Dance, garden, sing. Hum. Strum. Taste something new. Listen to a type of music you don’t normally hear. Go to the fabric store and touch some materials. Look

6. Be silly, usually you’ll end up laughing and in a good mood. Positive moods enhance and support creativity. You can let your guard down and just play. Here’s a wonderful example courtesy of my Mom and oldest nephew: “At the post office, Q and I picked up the package of summer reading books, bought a book of stamps and mailed 2 letters. I peeled the narrow fold indicator on the book of stamps and plopped it on the box he was holding.  A minute later, a glance at Q showed he had sprouted a thin, white mustache.  It looked both funny and elegant on his serious, handsome face.”

7. Experiment. Let go of temptation to be “perfect”- what is important is to be open and to try.  Expose your self to something new. Do something new. So what if you don’t turn out a perfect product- chances are you learned something, and that gives you more material with which to work. I can not tell you how many times I have ripped out inches and inches of stitches from a knitting project, or found I needed to move a plant from where it was struggling to grow. Never mind the wonderdous ”trial and correction” creative pursuit that has lead to many a discovery in science.

8. Capture what captures you. Some folks keep a notebook with them where they write doe ideas, paste in images, or doodle what captures their eyes. Other folks, like Twyla Tharp use a box where they collect materials that inspire them. I use a bulletin board to collect images, words and thoughts.

9. Don’t force it. If you are not feeling inspired to work, do something related like diving into a new book about your area of interest. Or take a break and then come back to what you were doing.

Here is an interesting bonus tip from Jeffrey Baumgartner.

10. If you’re stuck for an idea, open a dictionary, randomly select a word and then try to formulate ideas incorporating this word. You’d be surprised how well this works.

“Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” - Lewis Carroll

                 

Few minds wear out; more rust out.

May 19th, 2010

“Few minds wear out; more rust out.” ~ Christian Nestell Bovee

Keeping your self and mind engaged and interested is paramount to a fundamentally happy life across the life span. This is what I think of the mental equivalent of WD-40. There are so many ways to do keep “lubricated”. Dive into learning something new, like a language exchange (a dear friend met her husband this way), how cook a new cuisine, read a book from a genre you don’t normally dive into, volunteer your time in way that exposes you to new skills and people (my academic, football loving husband volunteers with a therapeutic horse back riding program – an unexpected and wonderful thing)… the possibilities are unlimited. How many different ways can you think to do this?

                 

The Art of Good Health- Let's Dance!

May 17th, 2010

I live in Mississippi, a State known for food (world’s best fried catfish- yum!), the blues, writers (Willie Morris anyone?) and the civil rights movement but not often known for its healthy living related efforts.  Ballroom dance is a long time passion of mine and one I have written about on this blog before.  I can’t tell you how excited I was to hear a story that combines both, here in Mississippi!

Students at Bay-Waveland Middle School in Bay St. Louis added ballroom dance to their daily curriculum.  “Moving Toward the Art of Good Health” is 3 year  pilot program encouraging students to become physically active through ballroom dance, while learning about health, wellness and good nutrition. A grant from the Blue Cross & Blue Shield of Mississippi Foundation supported the program.  By the way, Bay St. Louis, MS is a community blasted by Hurricane Katrina and still recovering from its impact. This program was started at the Middle School in wake of Hurricane Katrina. After trauma finding joy, focus and purpose is exquisitely important and healing.

Middle school aged kids dancing with each other and enjoying it. Normal everyday middle school aged kids. I am not so old that I can’t remember the awkwardness of middle school.  Your body is doing odd things, at varying times and probably not at the same times of your friends. Cliques are formed and bringing new friends in to a circle or bridging across them is tough.

You can watch to a wonderful piece about “Moving Toward the Art of Good Health” here. You can see the joy and fun these kids are having dancing the Cha- Cha. In it students and the instructor name a number of benefits from this program. Social benefits include self-discipline, self- confidence, respect for one self and others. One young man, Gus profiled in the story lost 21 pounds over the course of the school year. He describes not only how his eating habits and choices have changes, but also how he has change. Now he’ll reach out beyond his exciting circle of friends and expand his social connections. These are skills for life.

This is not the first school based ballroom dance program in schools, watch Mad Hot Ballroom a wonderful film about a program in New York City, but it is the first I have heard of in Mississippi. This is inspiring! The story and these kids will make you smile.

                 

Don't break that habit, get a new groove

May 6th, 2010

Habits are what we do to serve a function, to meet a need in our lives. We each have characteristic patterns of thinking, do or not doing to meet our needs. The way we eat dinner, complete a grant application, grade a pile of final exams or manage household tasks reflect these patterns. When we feel the pull to meet a need in some other way it is time to change a habit.

Habits are not necessarily good or bad they simple are an approach functioning. At some point in time we may just realize there is a better more desirable way to meet a need, serve a function. Personally I don’t believe in breaking a habit. These patterns stay with us for life, they took time to become established and like the little scars we accumulate over time, they may fade but they don’t entirely disappear. The key here is to begin establishing a new habit. And give yourself time to get into a new groove.

We know that it takes about 7 times for a new connection to be established between synapses. Habits become engrained in our brains as much as in our minds and bodies. Muscle memory does not miraculously come to be. It is established my practice, trial and correction and more practice.  Now I don’t need to think about where my feet are positioned when I am outside partner dancing the foxtrot, but it took multiple times learning to feel the position of my feet and legs and torso when actually in outside partner position. It takes time to step back and see our patterns for what they are, to decide to change and then begin to see the possibilities of what we could do instead.

Here are 5 tips to make a establishing a new habit.

  1. Simply observe, without judgment “What is it I am doing?”  “What is happening?“
  2. Picture your desired outcome: “What do I wish to gain by..?”
  3. Trust your inner self: Don’t intellectualize here, but don’t block out the information delivered through all your senses, as well as your intuition/gut/inner voice.  What are the possibilities for you?
  4. Consider what you gain and lose by: electing to establish a new pattern? By maintain a current pattern?
  5. Simply observe, without judgment, what has changed and the results that come from the new habit.
                 

Upcoming Workshop

April 26th, 2010

I am excited to announce my upcoming workshop, my first held in Mississippi.

Knowing and Living Your Values: A Path for Harmony and Happiness

People who live the “good life” in a fundamental way, live with happiness grounded in a deep-rooted sense of harmony and flow with the values. This sense of happiness a profound satisfaction and contentment is reflected in how they live their daily lives.

Your happiness and harmony increase when you:

¨      Are crystal clear about the values most important to you.

¨      Make decisions that are guided by your most important values.

¨      You bring integrity to everything you do

Date: Saturday, June 5, 2010                Time: 2:00 pm – 4:00 pm

Location: Joyflow Yoga, 7048 Old Canton Rd, Ridgeland, MS

RSVP by Wednesday, June 2, 2010 at 601-613-4317

Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values. – Ayn Rand

For all the details just click here: Knowing and Living Your Values: A Path for Harmony and Happiness

                 

March 17th, 2010

You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.- Irish Proverb

How will you grow today?