What you risk reveals what you value

August 18th, 2010

What you risk reveals what you value.  ~Jeanette Winterson

To me is this an interesting almost counter intuitive statement. Normally we thinking about protecting what we value, so that is not harmed. But to risk it, that put’s an interesting twist on things. How much are you willing to say to the world, here is what is important to me, and here is what I am willing to try to increase it, to share it... I think this quote speaks to the important of our individual personal agency, values and what ground we are willing to stand. Do we have the courage of our convictions and to live those publicly?

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Posted in Courage, Importance, Personal Agency, Quotes, Values | No Comments »

                 

Inspiring Women

March 8th, 2010

In honor of Women’s History Month I want to take a few minutes to recognize some of the trailblazers who have inspired me. There are famous folks such as Jane Addams, and not so famous folks like my Mom. To Quote Stephan Cobert- “A Tip of the Hat” .

Gema Sermuksnis Danahar, my mother, who arrived in the United States of America as young girl with her family, after leaving her country of birth during World War II. She embodies the American dream, actually arriving at our shores by boat- it was not a pleasure cruise- going to school, working hard to learn, putting herself through college, helping to integrate intramural sports at UMass Amherst along the way, going back to school while raising two children AND working full-time. Somehow she found time to balance the demands of a working mother with time to plant a working (vegetable and ornamental) garden, encouraging her children’s dreams and hopes,  volunteer at a professional center for craft (nurturing her own creativity), laugh, dance  and sing when the mood struck. Thanks Mom for being a spectacular role model, parent and friend.

Jane Addams, Social Worker who founded Hull House in Chicago in 1889, America’s first settlement house providing English language classes, childcare, health education, and recreational programs for poor immigrant families. In 1931 she won the Nobel Peace Prize, for her unending dedication social justice and peace. She was the first American woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize. As an MSW and proud daughter of an immigrant family, thank you for setting a trail for me to follow professionally.

Magdelana Pauliukonis Sermuksnis, my maternal grandmother who was the one to finally say, it is time to leave and we leave as a family. Not thinking she and her family would never return home to Lithuania after the war (WWII) was over. She carved a life in a new country, raised 5 children and was married for 56 years. She and my grandfather married late (30 years and 40 years old respectively), demonstrating that there was no hurry to get married, but still time enough to find a partner and live a full long life, with all its trials and celebrations.

Wilma Glodean Rudolph international track superstar, teacher, coach and sports commentator. Despite having been born prematurely with polio and unable to walk until she as 12 she was a member of the USA Olympic in 1956 (Melbourne, Australia) at the age of 16 and in 1960 (Rome) where she won three gold medals for the 100m, 200m and 4x100m relay.  The first time I saw video of  Ms Rudolph run and hearing her story it occurred to me, that even though I felt awkward, I like to run, so why not. Still it took me until high school to try out for the track team, but I did and I made it. Thank you Ms. Rudolph for inspiring me to feel strong and steady and to move for the sheer joy of it.

Catherine Charles Danahar, my paternal grandmother, one of the most strong willed individuals I have and may ever know. When she was widowed, unexpectedly, she continued with the “retirement” plan she and my grandfather had made, moving to a small town in Massachusetts to restore a home and run a package store. She went alone. She learned how to drive at 50+ years old. She worked until her mid-70′s. She tried to let her granddaughters know that life might be more difficult than it needs to be as woman.  Thanks for showing me its good to know you own mind and follow your instincts.

Stephanie Pearl McPhee, The Yarn Harlot, Knitting super star- yes, there are such individuals. Through her humor, authenticity and empathy, this proud Canadian has created a career as a witty writer, lecturer and teacher. She followed her creative path to her logical outcomes.  Thank you for encouraging me and thousand of others to write, to knit and to start over when the project is just not looking right, knowing that we’ll each find our own creative paths.

Who blazed a trail for you to follow? Who inspired you?

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Posted in Coaching, Creativity, Family, Gratitude, Knitting, Social Work, Sports, Women's History, Work life | 1 Comment »

                 

Five simple steps to change: You're the Choreographer for Your Life.

October 9th, 2009

The big girl panties, professional weight tights, performance shoes, rhinestone festooned dresses and an alarming amount of foundational garments are unpacked and spread around the hotel room. This weekend is the 46th Harvest Moon Championship Ball and I am  competing prepared to tame some Gremlins on the dance floor again. I am off to the Ball with my glass slippers and nerves of steel, well almost.

Today, I put on my rhythm dance armour, to Cha-Cha, Swing (East and West Coast), Rumba, Mambo, Bolero and Argentine Tango my way through the nerves I inevitably feel when performing.  Yes, I will most likely always have a strong feeling of jitters about performing, but how I choose to interpret and react to the sensation of the jitters is entirely under my control.  I am giving myself two options… sometimes its best to narrow down the options of ourselves like we do for kids: You can pick which pants you want to wear, the red ones or the purple ones, but you are going to wear pants… to help with making decisions, but I digress.  I can a) let them over run me, or b) not. Now the second option which is the one I am choosing is not as simple as “not” implies. “Not”, option b, is the what, not the how of my Gremlin Taming Plan. My “not” is changing the normal choreography I  would have followed and changing the steps and quality of movement I bring to the experience.

Let’s unpack the how my Gremlin Taming Plan, there are 5 parts.

Part 1:  Acknowledge that what causes me concern – the jitter, nerves, performance anxiety whatever you want to call it- exist.

Part 2:  Examine what story I am telling about them and look for evidence about why my concerns are founded and unfounded. No one likes to make mistakes, and it can be very disconcerting to make them in public, and YIKES! there are current and former professional national champions here, watching , glup… What am I nuts for thinking I can get out on the floor and look as if I belong here… Heavens to mercury what if I catch my heel and do a face plant instead of a spiral turn… blah, blah, blah.

Part 3: Weigh the consequences I get from my story. Well if you focus on what might happen, especially what bad things might happen you’ll never get to see what good things might happen.

Part 4: Retell my story in a new more positive, proactive voice. You have trained. You have practiced. You have some skills and more importantly you LOVE to dance. You like to watch other people dance and they in turn like to watch you to dance and we all want to do well here. The better I am the better they are, so really this is a win-win. And if for some bizarre reason you do a face plant in place of a spiral turn it will become a memorable cocktail story.

Part 5: Live out my new story and see how my energy shifts. I’ll let you know, but I think it will be something along the lines of this. I whirled and twirled, smiled, cha-cha’ed and contributed to a day filled with excitement, joy and encouragement for many people. It was a success and really gratifying and dang it a lot of fun.

There is no magic formula here and many other folks have outlined in their own words and ways how to begin shifting your normal patterns of thinking and doing. I offer the metaphor of choreography for your life and that you as an adult are the primary choreographer for your life. You can choose to do the same steps over and over, or you can choose to rework your movements to better suit the current rhythms and stretch your capacities. Will it always flow beautifully? No, not likely. Will the experience be interesting and beneficial? Yes. So go find your rhythm, listen to the story is offering and tell your best story now as well as you can.

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Posted in Ballroom Dance, Bolero, Cha Cha, Coaching, Creativity, Gremlin, Mambo, Rumba, Swing, Tango, West Coast | No Comments »

                 

Flying Along the Edge of Chaos

October 6th, 2009

This is a time of great creative vitality in the air.  Some folks are tapping into their creative vitality because necessity is the mother of invention.  Others because they have had of enough of going through the motions, or doing what they think they are “supposed to do” and ready to take risks to craft a better life. The people who really impress me are the ones like my sister R, and two friends M and T all of whom making big career changes, but are dreaming responsibly. Each of these women has made calculated decisions to actively pursue their careers in a new way. All are educators who felt the need to grow professionally in ways that support a positive environment, stretch them, align with their values and adds to the richness of their whole lives, including their families. Two are actively pursuing Graduate studies while working full time in new roles; as an assistance principle and as librarian. The other has elected not to pursue tenure at the college where she’s been employed for the past 5 years, because the environment feels poisonous to her. Each woman is taking risks, working hard, facing the unknown courageously and focused on gratification. Long term, lasting gratification born from exploring, exploiting and building on their innate strengths, exercising their personal agency to craft their lives to suit their most important needs, make the most of their abilities and position each for long term authentic happiness.

Thursday, Oct. 1, 2009 was my first day of fully committing my working time to my Coaching and Consulting practice. This is an exciting adventure; this new chapter in my professional life is one I have been working towards for many years. The overwhelmingly positive responsive I have received regarding this new chapter in my professional life has been and will continue to be a great boost. Thank you. While I have the plot line and characters outlined in great detail and in some cases fully realized, there are additional possibilities for me cultivate and others unknown to be open to as well. I am fortunate to have many sources of information and wisdom from which to draw:  my mentors, my family, friends, colleagues and clients to name a few.  It is time for me to be on the “Edge to Chaos” and fully attend to creating a better future for my husband, my family, my friends and my community, and consequently myself as are R, M and T.

As I talked about in my Crafting a Future on the Edge of Chaos post “Edge of Chaos” is a concept explored in complex adaptive systems and is a place for growth.  Defining features of complex adaptive systems is they form entities that are greater than the sum of their parts and the parts that make them are whole systems in their own right (Dimitrov, 2003).  My family, my clients, my colleagues, you my readers and all the elements in the varied networks that intersecting in my professional and personal realms make up the larger complex adaptive system of my life.  Each adds a unique dimension and opportunity or challenge, for growth and change along the Edge of Chaos.

There are four broad areas of activity associated with Edge of Chaos:

  1. Setting vision
  2. Creating boundaries
  3. Ensuring adequate communication flow
  4. Empowerment

Couple these areas of activity with reality-based hope, openness to possibility and you can create a vision for your future that becomes real. In the coming weeks and months I plan to share with examples of how I and other people I know who are also making big changes are living these areas of activity out. I also invite you to share with me and the readers of this blog examples of how you are/have done the same.

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Posted in Career, Change, Future, Personal Challenge, Personal investment | 1 Comment »

                 

Saturday Night Fever: A Tale of Dreams Coming True

September 29th, 2009

Last Saturday night a group of ordinary people did something exceptional. They put on their dancing shoes, wiped nervous sweat from brows, fluffed out feathers, straighten ties, step on stage and danced as part of the local YMCA’s Dancing for Dreams event, helping to raise more than $19,000. A whopping $4,000 more raised than the previous year’s event and darn close to this year’s goal of $20,000. We may make it yet, as money is still rolling in day by day. Dancing for Dreams is the primary fundraiser for our YMCA and the funds raised helps to provide scholarships for kids and families who otherwise would be unable to take advantage of the health and wellness services provided by our local YMCA.

Seven local stars and 6 people fulfilling the role of “professional partners” carried on a tradition that began three years ago when a couple of local women thought that an event based on the Dancing with the Stars phenomenon might make a good fundraiser. Being formidable, resourceful and persuasive they sold the idea to the YMCA Director. With virtually no budget, but with much dedication they pulled in a number of people, including me, to pull to get the first event, which raised a $5,000, a sum that seemed impossible at the time. So the next year the event grew merging with an auction (live and silent) event already in place for the YMCA. Year two the dancers alone again raise a sizable sum, and now we happily repeated this achievement again. Part of what makes this so amazing is this event occurs in a small Midwestern town (population 9,900), where farming remains a strong way of life and there is limited industry.

It is a privilege to for me to be part of such an effort, three years running now. All of dancers are amateurs with the exception of one young ballroom instructor. This wonderfully motley crew, spends hours learning to dance, learning their choreography, selling tickets to the event, as well as figuring out costumes and having some real fun. It’s gutsy for our local stars in particular, to get out on stage to dance, as the evenings entertainment.  Our stars have included, a high school librarian, attorneys, a retired judge, the county clerk, a physician’s assistant, a program director, a bank president, several business owners, an optometrist, the art center director, a school superintendent and the YMCA’s Executive Director (who by the way has got some good rhythm).  My hat is off to all of our local stars and “pros” who have tackled the Waltz, East Coast Swing, Bolero, Tango, Foxtrot, Jitterbug, West Coast Swing, Rumba, Hustle, Cha-Cha and Samba over the past three years. Most of these folks don’t dance regularly, some may never dance again, and some you could not imagine dancing in the first place, but each of them has said how much they enjoyed the experience. For some it has been a dream to learn how to dance. For some it was just an interesting way to support a good cause. All of them put their best foot forward, took a risk and made magic happen.

It astounds me what can happen when people put steady, solid actions together with dreams and hope.

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Posted in Ballroom Dance, Bolero, Cha Cha, Courage, Fitness, Foxtrot, Health, Hope, Intentions, Personal Challenge, Rumba, Swing, Tango, Waltz, Well being, West Coast | No Comments »